So, you may or may not have noticed I've been a bit quiet lately. I've been working on a few different posts, writing a bit here and there, but it's been so hard to keep my focus for more than a few lines. So I decided in an attempt to cure my writers block I'm just going to be honest about what's been going on...
I've been in a rut. A depressing, self pitying, woe is me, please-everyone-just-leave-me-the-f**k-alone kind of a rut. You're probably all familiar with these! So I've nothing really to hide, but somehow I felt like as a "positive parenting mum blogger" I probably should keep things, well, positive! But maybe that's just an insane notion. When the reality of daily parenting for most of us often feels more like an uphill slog than a sunny walk in the park, and even when we're really trying our best there's not one of us who gets it right all the time.
So why not just be honest about it when we're having a difficult time? Maybe it's actually a more beneficial thing to write about the so-called 'failures' sometimes, because guaranteed there's someone else out there whose struggling with the same issues. Maybe trying so hard to be inspirational means we end up missing the point of inspiration.
When I fall into a rut it takes time and motivation to get myself out of it. First off just allowing myself to feel whatever I'm feeling really helps level the situation, which basically means giving myself complete and total permission to feel like c**p. There's no harm in this, in fact it's actually an important part of the process, because as long as I take responsibility for how I'm feeling and know that it's my own, I'm much less likely to take it out on anyone else. So rather than trying to force myself to be 'positive', I just relax and let it be. Once I've managed to relax and diverted myself from driving down the guilt-trip highway, I may actually stand a chance of becoming freshly inspired and re-motivated. One thing I find useful is doing something out of my comfort zone and different from our usual routine. It may be the last thing I feel like doing and I'll usually resist the idea a LOT, but if I can just push myself a little it generally pays off.
Today I decided it was time to shake things up, so I took Bean into the city for the first time in almost a year! It's a long trip for Bean, an hour each way, so that's mostly why I haven't been game to do it much! But I made a date with a friend from playgroup and was absolutely determined to keep it. Well, needless to say It turned out to be a wonderful morning, Bean had a fantastic time and it really helped me step out of my head space. I also find the simple act of being with another mum who I can relate to, helps break some of the isolation and loneliness that can quickly build up when you're a stay at home parent.
All that being said, there's no easy or quick fix for getting out of a rut. I'm still just as exhausted today as I was yesterday, and I'm still dealing with chronic pain, and navigating Bean's newest developmental stage. And even though we had a good morning, come 7pm I'll probably still be scrambling to locate the last frayed scraps of my sanity! But I guess the difference is in the way I look at things, and bit by bit, day by day I re-frame what's been happening and gradually the negativity dissipates.
All I can say is that today was a better day, and tomorrow is another chance to find the light at the end of the tunnel.