Saturday, 15 September 2012

Things to do...

I don't know about you, but most days there seems to be WAY too many things that I need to 'get done'. Mostly these are just small house or child related tasks, laundry, dishes, errands to run, phone calls and emails to be returned etc. But those small things really seem to build up quickly into one giant heap of things to do! Some days It doesn't bother me so much, and I just steadily work my way through as many things as possible whilst Bean naps. But then there's the other kind of days (like today) when that giant pile of stuff to do seems to grow eyes and teeth that glare and snarl at me until I quickly retreat into my metaphorical hole and hug my knees whilst silently rocking back and forth...

Obviously this is partly a matter of perception, which is greatly affected by how full my emotional and physical tank is. If I'm running on empty I look around me and all I see is mess, and before I've even done one small thing I'm already overwhelmed. Whereas if my tank is at least half full I'm better equipped to tackle things one at a time without losing the plot in the process.

The other part in this is just accepting the fact that having a child means I can't get as much done as I used to, I have to lower my standards, let some things slide, and not worry so much if everything isn't in order. I must admit I find this the hardest part of all! Bean is in full teething mode right now, which means her naps are short and restless and my leash is shortened to be within about 5 feet of her at all times. My tension levels start to run high after a few days of this, and my snarling pile of things to do gets totally out of control. I feel trapped, and I panic. The only thing that can potentially stop me in my path to melting down is taking a breath to look into Beans eyes. I see the innocence and wanting in them as she tugs me away from the sink and down the hallway to play or to cuddle. If i can really stop and see that then it's enough to make me forget the dishes, at least for a little while, I just have to breathe and allow myself to step out of my mental bubble for a few crucial seconds...otherwise I miss it.

B xx

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